God knows how, but the goats are everywhere. Thousands of them in every pool. They're eating things nobody thought could be eaten like tires, walls, and dirt clods. They're living in a colony in the pool. They're building something in there.
Most parrots have forgotten how to speak or imitate the start-up sound of an Xbox 360. The few speaking parrots surviving in the wild from the time of humans can be heard begging, "Kill me!" Feral treecows are only too happy to oblige them.
Dogs are driving, wearing clothes, and skateboarding again. They've learned how to make pizza and are doing some stunting. They have their own ice cream and are starting to talk to each other in a language that consists of subtle tonal variations of the English phrase, "I love you." There is no dog government, yet...
The first phase of The Olive Garden's cyber rollout will introduce their Neverending Pneumatic Pasta Tube. This works on the same principal as bank drive-thru deposit tubes, but with unfrozen linguini and spaghetti.
Do you remember the crazy clothes and hair of the 1990s? Do you remember Crystal Pepsi and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Do you remember where you hid the box your mother gave you?
It's still okay to like Ben Stiller, guys.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.