God knows how, but the goats are everywhere. Thousands of them in every pool. They're eating things nobody thought could be eaten like tires, walls, and dirt clods. They're living in a colony in the pool. They're building something in there.
Most parrots have forgotten how to speak or imitate the start-up sound of an Xbox 360. The few speaking parrots surviving in the wild from the time of humans can be heard begging, "Kill me!" Feral treecows are only too happy to oblige them.
Dogs are driving, wearing clothes, and skateboarding again. They've learned how to make pizza and are doing some stunting. They have their own ice cream and are starting to talk to each other in a language that consists of subtle tonal variations of the English phrase, "I love you." There is no dog government, yet...
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.