God knows how, but the goats are everywhere. Thousands of them in every pool. They're eating things nobody thought could be eaten like tires, walls, and dirt clods. They're living in a colony in the pool. They're building something in there.
Most parrots have forgotten how to speak or imitate the start-up sound of an Xbox 360. The few speaking parrots surviving in the wild from the time of humans can be heard begging, "Kill me!" Feral treecows are only too happy to oblige them.
Dogs are driving, wearing clothes, and skateboarding again. They've learned how to make pizza and are doing some stunting. They have their own ice cream and are starting to talk to each other in a language that consists of subtle tonal variations of the English phrase, "I love you." There is no dog government, yet...
Maria Mitchell is shown holding a telescope to each eye, using them to ogle passing hunks on the street below. OOOGA! Her tongue rolls out like a firehose, her eyes comically bulging through the ends of the telescopes.
The Internet experience of 2014 has been condensed into a single article for your convenience.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.