No trace remains of the civilization mankind built. Also gone are the dogs who ruled the world for even longer than mankind. They managed to solve the problem of global warming, but then one day just disappeared with no explanation. Then their buildings started to collapse and their nuclear power plants melted down. The Four-eyed cats they kept as pets escaped into the empty city streets, formed a new civilization and then wiped each other out using stockpiled human weapons.
Then the goats returned, but germs on earth that had evolved in their absence turned out to kill them. The dolphins started to evolve into like a dolphin man that rides a recumbent bicycle, but they disappeared too. Then the monkeys evolved into humans, who by pure chance grew into an identical civilization to early 21st century earth. A few of these "second humans" submitted a pitch for a TV show to a history TV channel. Their pitch described it as "shit crumbling for an hour" and "an apocalypse without an apocalypse."
Little did they know what was in store for them and everyone else...
Evil Cooper and Chechen President Ramzan Kadyrov have both been on a rampage, but who did what?
"Your left eye," the optometrist casually explained while blasting my face with a blue laser at point blank range, "is farsighted and shaped like an eyeball. The other eye is nearsighted and shaped like a football. Not even a good football."
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.