No trace remains of the civilization mankind built. Also gone are the dogs who ruled the world for even longer than mankind. They managed to solve the problem of global warming, but then one day just disappeared with no explanation. Then their buildings started to collapse and their nuclear power plants melted down. The Four-eyed cats they kept as pets escaped into the empty city streets, formed a new civilization and then wiped each other out using stockpiled human weapons.
Then the goats returned, but germs on earth that had evolved in their absence turned out to kill them. The dolphins started to evolve into like a dolphin man that rides a recumbent bicycle, but they disappeared too. Then the monkeys evolved into humans, who by pure chance grew into an identical civilization to early 21st century earth. A few of these "second humans" submitted a pitch for a TV show to a history TV channel. Their pitch described it as "shit crumbling for an hour" and "an apocalypse without an apocalypse."
Little did they know what was in store for them and everyone else...
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
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