"Man with two pacifiers is 'throwing horns' and his friend in black jorts is climbing onto bridge warning bell to tear down our banner for peace and security. So my chief concern here is how to get him down from the bell without hurting himself. Do we get a ladder to him or maybe a slide and he can go down this. Perhaps he will come down if we show him we will have less peace and security. Estonia, what would you say to us bombing your towns some? No? Okay, we will come back to this one."
"Ja, okay, this is good one. He needs a bigger sign. Let us get some card stock at Walgreens, some markers, make it at least double the size. It should still say 'I WANTED A BIGGER SIGN' only now it is comic humor because the sign will be very large. Or fairly large. Large enough that he should not want a bigger sign."
"This is a good one. 'Don't Trade on Me' like 'Don't tread on me' but with trade and corn stalks. What is this? Is it about the frankenfoods? Can we, ah, get the satellite with the camera and find a field with the crop and shoot a cruise missile onto it? Show of hands. Seven, eight, is that raised or not, Belgium? Motion passes. France it is your turn to shoot some missiles from a ship. No, you said you were going to do it last time, but then USA did it, so it's still your turn."
"Here, ah, sort of an asterisk made out of circles and it looks like somebody use a ballpoint pen to write 'spirit' in one corner and 'science' in the other. And in the middle is an Egypt Hieroglyphic of an eye. Look, our time is almost up, so I will just hold a vote on this and whoever impliments can figure out what this sign means. Raise your hand if you are for the sign..."
If you have a hankering for giant bugs, evil water and distorted history all packed into a genre spanning sci-fi epic, then check out Liminal States by Zack Parsons.
Can you figure out which clickbait headlines are a gross parody of journalism itself, and which are fake?
Forget Target or Best Buy, if you want deals this Black Friday you can't do better than smoking massive, mind-melting quantities of DMT.
You cant go around life being smart in an unconventional way, it could change the world.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.