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free cuddling
mr. winters who lives in the winding way trailer home will cuddle and spoon with you for about as long as you want. he is a bit gruff but if you're in need of some human contact the price can't be beat. sometimes he traces along your skin with his fingertips and it's nice.

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Free Ceramic Clown
Get a free ceramic clown from Mr. Chesterfield. Just tell him you know his grandson Pete, then start admiring his ceramic clown collection real loudly. He'll look a bit put upon for a few minutes, but then he'll offer you one for free. Take it, get the heck out of there, and don't look back. Stupid thing's probably not even worth anything.

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Baby Blankets... 100% Free!
Just tell Maude Cranston at 121 Village that you are expecting a child. She'll smile and get to work right away on a brand new baby blanket. I was able to get her to stitch my name on the thing, too. Took about 3 weeks for her to finish, but didn't cost me a damn cent. Obviously the blankets are too small for an adult, but I figure I can get a few more and just duct tape them together or save them as rags to use in the garage.

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NEED COPPER???
There's not much left I haven't taken, but if you're willing to put in some work removing drywall and tearing things apart, you can find good quality copper in Dan Sycamore's house. He's in the hospital right now so he won't be around to raise a fuss. Stop by 444 Jasper St. His house is the ugly green one with the front door taken off the hinges.

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Free Toys & Knickknacks
This one's a bit odd, but great for the kids. Had my boy go door to door in the Shaggy Villa Retirement Home trolling for freebies. A lot of cheapskates there, but an older Korean lady invited him in. He said she told him a story about coming to America on a boat and made him drink some weird tea, but when it was over she handed him a California Raisins figurine. Probably worth a lot since they're reuniting soon. Not sure if this tactic works for adults.

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Special thanks to Sensurround for offering helpful suggestions and ideas utilized in the construction of this article!


– Josh "Livestock" Boruff (@Livestock)

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