Welcome to jail. Did you ever see yourself here? No, no one ever does. But don't worry about being left out of the group; you can join in at any point.
The first step is finding a group to hang out with. Making friends in prison can be difficult. At first, it seems that there are so many people that you'll never meet anyone, but eventually you notice the subtle differences. Soon you will see which group is best for you. The entire prison is divided into separate "teams." Instead of different colored jerseys, it is based on skin color. Let's take a look at the four major groups you'll be dealing with here
Traits: White, Angry, Dangerous
Main Enemies: Hispanics, African Americans
Traits: Hispanic, Angry, Dangerous
Main Enemies: African Americans, Whites
Black Guerilla Family
Traits: African American, Angry, Dangerous
Main Enemies: Whites, Hispanics
Note: Due to your string of armed robberies and arson towards a local chain of Circle Ks,
admission to Team Prison Guard is denied.
Now that you've been drafted, it's time to spice up your jersey. Every convict needs an outside source for inspiration, so find your own muse. Pick three from this list and tattoo them on your back or any remaining, visible skin
Are you ready to play yet?
Finding the right hat can feel like walking through a minefield for guys. Did a murderer wear your hat? Was it ruined by bros? Are you just an idiot? Find out with our authoritative ranking of bad hats.
The Amazonians value combat prowess and purity of spirit. By wrestling half naked, they pay homage to both virtues by displaying their battle-forged bodies while preserving as much modesty as their society deems necessary. The gelatin in which they wrestle is symbolic of the fluid nature of battle, a concept the Amazonians call ‘akgor-gra.’
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.