Advanced GameplayWithout doubt this is the most popular game in prison. Remember when you used to play tag all afternoon with friends outside of the school? Well, it's a lot like that except you're not allowed to run or have shoelaces. There are a few other differences, but it's basically the same.
Hurt as many people as possible.
1. Do not look anyone in the eyes
2. Do not look at anyone
3. If you are caught looking at someone you are tagged "IT"
4. You cannot tag someone on your own team
Special Tip: Staring at a wall is the most effective way to avoid an attack (unless the wall is a one way mirror and your enemy is on the other side.)
Uh oh, looks like someone is IT
Expert Tag Technique
Making a Shiv
Using a shiv is like extending your reach by three inches. It also allows you to rip holes into the side of enemies. If you follow this easy guide, you'll rule the courtyard (for the hour you are allowed out of your maximum security cell each day.)
Step 1: Acquire a human arm (Image 8)
Step 2: Carve excess flesh and bone to a point
Step 3 (Optional): Boil toilet bowl stew or flush arm carvings down drain
Step 4: Enjoy (Image 9)
I hope you learned a lot in this chapter of The Dangerous Book for Convicts. Good luck in your first few weeks of Prison Tag, and remember to watch your back!
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
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