This article is part of the SkyMall Product Reviews series.

Add wit, whimsy and a bit of English historical style to your home with this adorable Humpty Dumpty sculpture inspired by an 19th century Lewis Carroll illustration. The wide smile and beloved countenance of this fabled nursery rhyme statue who sits on your garden wall, will reward visitors to your home or garden. This Design Toscano large-scale, display-quality sculpture transforms any home, garden, restaurant or hotel into something truly magnificent! Sorry, stool not included.

Customer Review:
By The Randman from Sandpoint, ID

I'll spare you $699 + shipping and answer what you're all wondering about. There's not a usable orifice anywhere on the entire damn thing.

Age: 51-55

----------

Customer Review:
By SkyGrandma from Buick Springs, WY

This is a true museum piece. I feel like I've got my own art museum with this gem. He's such a charmer, too. British men are so handsome.

Age: 71-75

----------

Customer Rating:
By MythBuster from Tuscaloosa, AL

Performs according to legend. I perched him on a wall and gave him a really aggressive push (I ran from all the way across the neighbor's yard so I had a lot of momentum). He shattered into a million pieces. The famous story is definitely true. Good purchase.

Age: 36-40

----------

Customer Rating:
Posted by GrillyGirl from Batesville, AR

A suitable replacement for my husband, who cried far too much.

Age: 46-50

----------

Customer Rating:
By Bill Bigtree from Sarasota, FL

Read the fine print, friends. The young asian girl is not included in this package. Once again I'm stuck with a useless egg man statue and nobody to tend to my robust physical and emotional needs. Worst of all, the egg man didn't even come with a stool. I have to share my recliner and bed with him, and he is not sensitive to my needs at all.

Age: 36-40

----------

Customer Rating:
By Soaring Steve from Kokomo, IN

All dumpty, no humpty. If you think this guy looks like a load of fun, you're in for a shock. He just sits there. I kid you not, it's seriously just a big statue and nothing more. It doesn't even play recorded phrases if you push a button. Children's toys do that, for Pete's sake. What kind of idiot designs a giant egg man and thinks, "well, I'm done. This egg man has nothing good to say. It's not like an egg man would have lots of funny egg puns to say, or interesting anecdotes he could share about being an egg. Nope, I'm done. I'm a big idiot. My children don't respect me. I'm never going to reach the next level of egg man sculpting and make a real name for myself. I'm happy being a runner up in life but that's ok because Obama will pay my retirement even though I don't try hard."

I'm a better egg man designer than whoever made this. Be a man, you idiot. I could take you in a fight any day of the week.

Age: 56-60

----------

Customer Rating:
By AngryWoman from ANGRY, AL

NO STOOL????? I spent my last penny on this only to find out the stool is not included. I was banking on this coming with a stool. BECAUSE OF THIS, I had to delay my marriage to a VERY WONDERFUL MAN.

Age: 46-50

----------

Customer Rating:
By CyberBullySurvivor from Oklahoma City, OK

Thank you for finally making a statue that embraces my body type. I have never once seen a statue that looked anything like me until this. Naturally I bought it immediately to support the progressive artists who made this.

Age: 26-30

– Josh "Livestock" Boruff (@Livestock)

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

About this series

Check out these helpful product reviews from your fellow SkyMall shoppers before making your next high-altitude purchase.

Other articles in this series

Copyright ©2016 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.