Joowix Shunt Belephon is clad in red. One shoe is visible. Perhaps only a single shoe exists. The whiskers suggest readiness for mating.
Tensor: They adapt naturally to positions that arouse us.
Pinion-Runnel: Their lithe bodies contort to capture our desire, but do not be deceived. The others pursue the stone. If the humans have it...
Tensor: We will never return to the swim.
Pinion-Runnel: Each body a vessel of agonizing solitude, ruled by chemical reactions and the old ways of bones and blood.
Tensor: I frequently require the elimination of waste.
Pinion-Runnel: Look at us. What female would supplicate herself to us? We are disgusting meat piles.
Welcome to Gamer Hell, where those who committed sins in online games must pay for their crimes against noobs for eternity.
Russian President Vladimir Putin has sworn to personally investigate the murder of opposition leader Boris Nemtsov. In fact, Putin plans to use his expertise to solve most major crimes.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.