Joowix Shunt Belephon is clad in red. One shoe is visible. Perhaps only a single shoe exists. The whiskers suggest readiness for mating.
Tensor: They adapt naturally to positions that arouse us.
Pinion-Runnel: Their lithe bodies contort to capture our desire, but do not be deceived. The others pursue the stone. If the humans have it...
Tensor: We will never return to the swim.
Pinion-Runnel: Each body a vessel of agonizing solitude, ruled by chemical reactions and the old ways of bones and blood.
Tensor: I frequently require the elimination of waste.
Pinion-Runnel: Look at us. What female would supplicate herself to us? We are disgusting meat piles.
"Really, Holmes!" I dropped into my seat, shocked. "You are remarkably tall! What are you, six foot six? Six foot eight?"
As the 19th century diver approaches a giant clam, a flash of brilliant golden light flares from within the shell. I emerge in a swirl of bubbles and do the timeless universal underwater hand signals for the following: ZODIAC KILLER, KKK, BLOOD OF YOUTH
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.