While some domesticated animals eat pastries and grow slovenly, our hero must live the life of a Porcupine Hunted.

Lucidphoole prays at bushes, like a reformed druid.

Happy Go Lumpy will come back as a squirrel in the next life and run right up your pants leg.

Happy Go Lumpy contrasts two guys in a gorilla costumes with one fellow who just stopped shaving last month.

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    Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.

  • Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'

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