"If we lived in a perfect world, KFC would only sell soy chicken," explains kentuckyfriedcruelty.com. "If we lived in a slightly funnier world, KFC's signs might look a little like these." Look, no one is going to eat fucking soy chicken, but why limit yourself to a slightly funnier world? The SA Forum Goons used this random-sign generator, thoughtfully provided by our sister site PETA, to massively upgrade the humor value of the Colonel's marquees.

Gutter Monkey sees Col. Sanders as something of a hero, sacrificing that which he loves so that others might eat.

Egbert Souse knows school is tough enough these days without feeling all hungry by the middle of the morning.

Zero Star just got a wicked head rush from breathing prune-box air.

Yabanjin's knowledge of scientific biological transmogrification is only outmatched by his zest for kung-fu treachery.

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