Sometimes people will tell children "stop crying, or I'll give you something to cry about!" This seems like a strange, self-perpetuating way to treat the crying problem, but whatever. So, you have this wailing toddler, and you tell it "stop crying, or I'll give you something to cry about," and then you show it this update, which features bad-ass tots doing bad-ass shit. And the kid cries even harder, and this is totally because it feels shamed by its peers' exploits and not at all because you are failing to address some other physical reason for its original outburst!
Did you know that you only use 10% of your brain? You may have heard that before. But what if you could use 100%? YOU CAN!
This is where the excerpt from an article usually goes. Since the content of this update is only intended for cool people, I refuse to place a single word in the path of blundering normal people.
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