Sometimes people will tell children "stop crying, or I'll give you something to cry about!" This seems like a strange, self-perpetuating way to treat the crying problem, but whatever. So, you have this wailing toddler, and you tell it "stop crying, or I'll give you something to cry about," and then you show it this update, which features bad-ass tots doing bad-ass shit. And the kid cries even harder, and this is totally because it feels shamed by its peers' exploits and not at all because you are failing to address some other physical reason for its original outburst!
In a Something Awful exclusive, we reveal the true state of Darren Wilson after his harrowing encounter with Michael Brown.
gee, sun, thanks for life and warmth and light. you totally did it on purpose and aren't just a stupid exploding deathtrap
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