Sometimes people will tell children "stop crying, or I'll give you something to cry about!" This seems like a strange, self-perpetuating way to treat the crying problem, but whatever. So, you have this wailing toddler, and you tell it "stop crying, or I'll give you something to cry about," and then you show it this update, which features bad-ass tots doing bad-ass shit. And the kid cries even harder, and this is totally because it feels shamed by its peers' exploits and not at all because you are failing to address some other physical reason for its original outburst!
"Oh, look, it's me from the future! And there's another me, made of anti-matter! All three of us are reaching out towards the exact same point in space, our fingertips on a collision course."
Levi Johnston finally comes clean about his involvement in the Weinstein scandal and details a disgusting incident that required a green screen.
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