ugh. booted from CrotchChat IRC again— egg dog (@egg_dog) May 16, 2013
"Hello, The Past? Hi, 2013 here! The big movies this weekend are Iron Man, Star Trek, and The Great Gatsby. Please send more ideas."— Sean Thomason (@TheThomason) May 17, 2013
Ahhh, thank you for the sexual intercourse, baby. [pulls out stack of comic books and starts to read] Nice.— Daniel Eastman (@danieleastman) May 18, 2013
When God closes a door, He opens a window.God does not give a shit about your electric bill.— Jennifer L. (@TheFearBoners) May 18, 2013
The first hackers were soviet commandos who made the USA armycomputer screens say "USA SMELL LIKE ASS WIND"— Matt ⚡ (@power_crystals) May 18, 2013
When God made raccoons he was like do you want to be an old timey burglar or a trash digger. Too slow. You're both now.— Nathan Buckley (@duplicitron) May 18, 2013
I love those commercials where fat people talk about being unable to clean their own ass holes without wetnaps— ''Steve''(@extranapkins) May 19, 2013
Why we don't refer to writing as "going number 3" I have no idea— Patricia Lockwood (@TriciaLockwood) May 19, 2013
Remember haters? - me in the future, living in an utopian society— African Strongman(@bIoach) May 19, 2013
It's so embarrassing when I'm wearing a skimpy sundress while making chicken wings and my huge titty drops into the deep fryer— MattyTalks(@mattytalks) May 19, 2013
if you dont refer to your dog's front legs as their 'arms' then you're seriously fucking up and should be in jail. in my opinion— Hot Mini Donuts (@diaper_wolf) May 19, 2013
chasing a hoop down a dusty road with a stick to celebrate all things rustic as well as i'm a fucking idiot who should be in the hospital— BRASNON (@bransonbranson) May 19, 2013
00:00 You finish the last Big Mac & hold your hands up. It's a new record. Mayor McCheese's cheerleader girlfriend is yelling at him— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) May 19, 2013
I'm not going to have kids mainly because I don't want my vagina to look like someone picked me up and swung me around by it— Sarah Beattie (@nachosarah) May 19, 2013
Imagine Deadmau5 in his kitchen making an omelette and yes he's wearing that giant helmet thing.— Jake Fogelnest (@jakefogelnest) May 19, 2013
an enormous ass blocks my view of the sun, casting a perfect ass shadow on my face humiliating my family who wereall born without asses— Cool Pond (@cool_pond) May 19, 2013
the one tumblr blog whose author self-identifies as a yahoo executive just had his fucking mind blown— Commish of hangin' (@TheBeerNerd) May 19, 2013
wow dragons lair is on steam now everyone! *turns around, no one in the entire world gives a shit*— kc grєєn (@kcgreenn) May 19, 2013
Apparently you can't cash in Twitter followers for wine. What am I even doing here?— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) May 19, 2013
hot sauce > mustard > mayo > garbage > ketchup— AlmightyBob (@AlmightyBoob) May 19, 2013
By 3rd grade you've learned all the slang terms for genitalia & after that I don't even remember what the rest of elementary school was for— Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) May 19, 2013
New Gamer Salute i just cam e up withGamer 1:Game in Courage Gamer 2: As True Gamers DareBoth in Unison: May We Game Forever— GraeyDave (@graeyalien) May 20, 2013
ah the great philosophers, Plato, Knifeo, Forko, Spoono, and all the rest— Duke Longley (@dukelongboard) May 20, 2013
we will be packing up our tumblrs and moving over to either plart or jozzle. anyone moving to creatr or scrollo need not speak to me again.— brendle what (@brendlewhat) May 20, 2013
How come I gotta look at dog buttholes? Why can't dogs have plump butt cheeks and a hidden hole like humans?!?!?!— MARLO meekins (@MarloMeekins) May 20, 2013
i was at six flags chicago today and the staff there realized quick that it was my Emotions that were the Real Roller Coaster— BRASNON (@bransonbranson) May 21, 2013
PLEASE No "Game of Thrones" spoilers until three years from now when I'm 32 and unemployed and watching "Game of Thrones." I mean, probably.— Julieanne Smolinski (@BoobsRadley) May 21, 2013
Somewhere a Buzzfeed Editor is desperately searching for 12 other potato chips that look like actors from the cast of Murphy Brown.— dan guterman (@danguterman) May 21, 2013
no YOU'RE taking a pregnancy test in an ihop bathroom— rap game glenna (@glenna_opt) May 21, 2013
thinking about letting my penis grow out this summer— rob (@robwhisman) May 21, 2013
More fake science from the mainstream scientists: Dr. Schrodinger claims cat is dead, but cat is alive and a dog.
Yeah, I went there. And I'll go there again. Don't believe me? I'm there ALREADY.
These all just look like normal cats to me.
From what I understand, this genre is about getting eaten by crocodiles. I excel at this.
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