No woman will ever post this thread about me. (sad face)

"I'm a good person". Well there's your problem right there.

Dude, calm down. There are rarely ever complications when bringing in another person into your sex life. Never!

Ehh, Canada.

Here is a true account of my encounter with Al Borman.

Her tell-all book is coming out next Summer. It's titled "I Dated a Goon: A Story of Survival".

Just be quiet and know your place. You're a woman! You don't GET to have a say in what goes on during sex!

Getting aroused by your boyfriend to the point of orgasm is cause for alarm.

Who the hell doesn't fantasize about grabbing their teacher's big titties in 6th grade? Hell, I'm fantasizing about grabbing my teacher's big titties right now.

More The Weekend Web

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Get In The God Dang Weight Room, Johnny Manziel!

    Get In The God Dang Weight Room, Johnny Manziel!

    Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.

  • Helping Your Real Friends Move

    Helping Your Real Friends Move

    A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.