We've gone over this a million times! Hitler was under the influence of the saucer people under the supervision of the reverse vampires who gave hourly reports to Bigfoot.

I knew it!

I remember this one Onstar commercial that depicted a woman who left her child in the car. The Onstar agent unlocked the doors for her and she got her kid. That's one of the best commercials I've ever heard especially considering a bunch of kids died at the time after being locked inside of sweltering cars.

Yo yo yo! It's tha Holiday Inn ya'll. When we tired from banging da hoes me and my niggas hit up tha inn and sleep like ancient kings. Word.

Starbucks is a terroist plot to sell average coffee at sky high prices.

Listen to me carefully "tetrizine". THE ELECTRICAL WIRING IN YOUR HOUSE IS FAULTY. TO FIX IT I RECCOMEND BUYING A SHOTGUN AND BLOWING YOURSELF AWAY WITH IT.

What?

First the Jews control the media and now the reptiles? Make up your minds you crazy conspiracy fucks.

More The Weekend Web

This Week on Something Awful...

  • GLUT OF DOGS

    GLUT OF DOGS

    TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851

  • THE PERFECT HUMAN FORM

    THE PERFECT HUMAN FORM

    Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.

Copyright ©2016 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.