Every day is a rainy day because God is crying.
I think if you got really, really enormously fat - like 850 pounds - and you tried to stand up really fast, that maybe you could make your skeleton burst out of the top of your body.
Wow, what an unexpected surprise. Just like when someone dumps their baby's foul-ass diaper in the open window of your car on a 95 degree day.
Remember in the movie Dave where Kevin Kline was hooked up to those giant robotic arms and he stuck them out and said "I once caught a fish thiiiiis biiiiig"? Do they still have those?
Holy Good God Moses
Finally, a look at the candidate's long-delayed tax returns.
There are hundreds of stories happening on the World Wide Web. Let me tell you, that's a very wide web. Our goal at Weekend Web is to bring you the latest headlines from around the Internet. We go into the very bowels of message boards everywhere and find out what millions of online citizens have to say.