Your "area" being dark and ugly isn't a side effect of humping the bedpost. Humping the bedpost is a side effect of your area being dark and ugly.
Ugh, women are disgusting and have no respect for men.
She doesn't want to have children, she just loves creampies.
This is truly a day to celebrate. Who was the lucky guy?
You can do one or the other, but not both! Many men have died trying, including me.
Actually your boyfriend is just playing a trick on you. He's pulling a hose and shoving a hose up your twat and posting the videos on YouTube.
You and the rest of the guys on this Internet, pal.
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