THIS is the way the world ends... pointless, petty vandalism that doesn't even break the law.

Oh no, if DEATH KILLER'S diabetes test shows that DEATH KILLER has been smoking weed then DEATH KILLER's mom is going to totally throw a fit and possibly ground DEATH KILLER!!

MAN I LOVE SCHOOL FIGHTS NOT BECAUSE OF A JUVENILE YEARNING FOR ATTENTION OR TO SHOWCASE MY STILL-DEVELOPING MASCULINITY, BUT FOR OTHER REASONS ENTIRELY!!

I whittled my own fleshlight out of wood. Doesn't work so well, I have to say.

"driveby" seems to have discovered some kind of Bermuda Triangle of law where the outcome is a complete mystery to all but the wisest judges.

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