Soliciting advice about things like hedge trimming, basket weaving, or how to convince your girlfriend to bring another woman to bed is one of the few productive things you could do with this horrible invention we call the Internet. But there's one thing that has always amazed me, people who ask for medical advice online. The only answer to any medical advice question should be, "GO TO A FUCKING DOCTOR OH GOD WHY AREN'T YOU GOING TO SEE A DOCTOR ALREADY AND EVEN IF YOU CAN'T SEE A DOCTOR COMING FOR HERE FOR HELP IS THE LAST THING YOU SHOULD EVER DO."

Someone sharing inappropriate personal information over the Internet? I can't believe it! I'd be more surprised if this person didn't tell us about their farts.

This is a question I hope I am never asked.

Not his sperm. My sperms, on the other hand.

You want love, not sex? Why didn't you say so? Love is a whole lot cheaper than sex.

Dr. Internet, paging Dr. Internet.

Loathing doctors and drug companies? That's just another symptom of asperger's!

More The Weekend Web

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Lair Flair!

    Lair Flair!

    Your lair. Maybe you lure victims to it, maybe you hide in it between killings, or maybe you haunt it 24/7 because you’re tragically confined by a curse. Whatever the situation, for most of us monsters, a living/un-living space is an important part of our identities. In this column, Monstergeddon award winners share their lair tips and techniques!

  • SkyMall Product Review: Bark Deterring Ultrasonic Collar

    SkyMall Product Review: Bark Deterring Ultrasonic Collar

    Works great on my child, who hasn't barked at all for as long as she's worn the apparatus. When she turns three, we will remove it for a trial period.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.