Diagnosis, has never gotten laid. Let me write you a prescription for one whore. Take two of those and call me in the morning.

Yes, there is embalming fluid in 7-Up.

You're just going to have to choose between intelligence and jerking off. Personally, I think me mad teh write decisoin.

If God didn't want us guys to stick stuff up our ass then he shouldn't have made us disgusting creatures.

You're probably fat. I mean, I don't know you or anything, but you're probably way too fat. I'd look into being fat as the root of every problem you have.

Take two of these cyanide pills and call me in the morning.

More The Weekend Web

This Week on Something Awful...

Copyright ©2018 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.