Diagnosis, has never gotten laid. Let me write you a prescription for one whore. Take two of those and call me in the morning.


Yes, there is embalming fluid in 7-Up.


You're just going to have to choose between intelligence and jerking off. Personally, I think me mad teh write decisoin.


If God didn't want us guys to stick stuff up our ass then he shouldn't have made us disgusting creatures.


You're probably fat. I mean, I don't know you or anything, but you're probably way too fat. I'd look into being fat as the root of every problem you have.


Take two of these cyanide pills and call me in the morning.


More The Weekend Web

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.

  • BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.