Whenever I eat at In-N-Out every single fluid that is excreted from my body ends up smelling like In-N-Out food. Does this happen to anybody else? Email me please. Oh here's a forum.

You should host the next Oscars.


Hehe yeah... clitoris is a funny word.

Hey I'm 21. Maybe it's me. Who knows?

Give me Nico's phone number.

Wait a second, I'm on the phone with Nico. Yeah, hello? Hey bitch, want to bite my dick you slut? Hello? Hello??? Damnitt. Guess I didn't come on strong enough.

Wow, look at you reading articles and everything. Soon you'll be reading books and stop signs and shit.

I pretend I'm a chocobo and she pretends she's an egg and I "lay" her as if she was a egg and she licks my asshole while I hum the battle theme from Final Fantasy VI.

More The Weekend Web

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.

  • BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.

About This Column

There are hundreds of stories happening on the World Wide Web. Let me tell you, that's a very wide web. Our goal at Weekend Web is to bring you the latest headlines from around the Internet. We go into the very bowels of message boards everywhere and find out what millions of online citizens have to say.

Previous Articles

Suggested Articles

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.