Internet porn has made you weak. Jack off in the shower like a normal sex-deprived husband.

Not only molestation, but it's also considered absolutely retarded.

One spiked Capri Sun and now look at you.

God wants me to ONLY have publicly viewable conversations with women and that's what I will give Him.

More The Weekend Web

This Week on Something Awful...

Copyright ©2015 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.