The Freedom Tray has been out for a while, and I trust most of you already fulfilled your patriotic duty by purchasing one or more. You're spending your 4th of July with grilled meats, fireworks and domestic beer, all spread out together in front of you on the Freedom Tray's red-white-and-blue surface! It's like eating off a flag, without having to wonder "Does it count as desecration if I spill some of my potato salad?" Anyway, for you hippies who don't already own one of these for every room of the house (the bathroom one can simultaneously hold toilet paper, magazines, candles and snacks!), this is a "revolutionary food and beverage tray." The site's animation makes it look like an air hockey table, until the super-sized fast food containers plop into place, revealing its true purpose.
There is one question to ask about every person, animal and object you encounter on July 4: Is this person/animal/object patriotic? The makers of the Freedom Tray are asked this year-round, so much so that "Is this a patriotic tray?" appears in the FAQ section. Of course, it should go without saying that the Freedom Tray qualifies. In fact, (talking only to Freedom Tray-owning Americans here), your newfound ability to carry around copious amounts of food and drink without spilling them serves as a glorious metaphor for the liberties your country provides!
BLACK LIVES MATTER!!! NOOOOOOO!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? YOU HAVE CREATED A MONSTER, AN ABSOLUTE MONSTER!
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
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Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.