"When eating, I'll wipe my hands on my socks rather than walk somewhere and get a paper or cloth towel. Socks are nature's napkins."
"Let the cat vomit dry on the carpet so I could just scrape it loose with my shoe. Amazingly, this never left a stain."
"Drank draft beer out of an empty, rinsed-out Costco-sized Tylenol bottle."
"Survived four days as a student in an empty flat, with a glass of wine, a bag of pistachio nuts and a big can of peeled tomatoes in juice. I was sitting on the mini fridge because I had no furniture. I had to eat the tomatoes straight from the can with my fingers."
"My bed frame had broken on one side so I just slept diagonally for a couple of weeks before finally fixing it."
"When my ex moved out, I never emptied the dishwasher until three years later when I finally moved out myself. I just bought Styrofoam cups, plates and plastic silverware for everything."
"I've used wrapping paper as toilet paper on a few occasions. Unfortunately, I forgot to buy new TP once when I had friends over so they were also forced to use the wrapping paper."
"I've used every utensil imaginable for completely the wrong application. For example, I've used a ice cream scooper to spread peanut butter on toast, simply because it was the last utensil I had clean."
It needs to consume human tissue! It needs to speak to your manager!
Scourgelord Vilius Mandragore gave a speech from our shattered capital on Friday and we are here to fact check his claims about his million year empire.
Reason 9: Ongoing mechanical issues with the internal Superman 64 fog machine.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.