Not Impressed

Two homeless guys in Allston, MA fighting in the middle of a busy intersection, (with a trolley in the middle of the intersection, as well) fighting each other like monkeys. One was wearing a dress and the other was carrying a handle of vodka. They beat the ever living shit out of each other while cars and the trolley just waited until one of the homeless guys TKO-ed the other.


A clown pumping gas.

Just didn't seem right.

African American Parasol

Checking out at Petsmart, a chaperone had taken a group of mentally disabled people out to the store. One of them was in front of us in line, a stout bald black man wearing a green shirt tucked into pyjama pants with some sports emblem on them. Mounted on his arm was a ventriloquist's dummy in a suit and bow tie. He spoke and conducted the entire transaction through the dummy. He wasn't even good at it, but it was hilarious.


I have seen a man riding a bicycle through the streets of Osaka with a cat perched on his head.

Evil Dick

I saw a man in a wheelchair ride an escalator.

Once, in Vegas, I saw a guy dressed in an Elvis costume renting Mini Coopers on the Strip. A guy dressed as Elvis in Vegas? The hell you say! What made him particularly memorable was he was extremely fat, and he had what appeared to be a VERY large dildo shoved down his pants. Seriously, the thing went halfway down his leg, and due to the tightness of his jumpsuit, you could see every veiny detail.

More Comedy Goldmine

This Week on Something Awful...

About This Column

The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.

Previous Articles

Suggested Articles

Copyright ©2020 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.