Me: Eggs, cheese, hot sauce...uhh..kitty litter.
Russian agent: Vy are you sayink dis to me Comrade, is not in codebook.
*files FOIA request, goes grocery shopping 2 1/2 years later*
Bank: Hello. Before we can proceed with this call, you'll need to tell me your four digit security PIN.
Me: Shit, it's been a while. Um.
Me: Right. Three.
me: hi FBI guy
FBI: uhh you're not really supposed to talk directly to us, lmao. we just listen
me: ooooh ok lol. well i'm just gonna dial the Big Latina Asses hotline. are you okay with Big Latina Asses?
FBI: i freakin' love Big Latina Asses, my man. carry on lol
me: *redial* hello, is this Big Latina Asses hotline 👌
They Might Be
FBI: We need more data on this fella, but he doesn't seem to be much for talking on his telephone. Put him on "Project Warranty."
Me, for the next five years: Oh sorry I don't need an extended warranty for my vehicle... Yes... Please take me off your list.
*slams the table* this whole operation was worthless, I've got 45 hours from his samsung and all he does is respond to Dora's questions
me: hey, Chelsea? I just wanted to say... um...
???: TELL HER YOU ENJOY HER COMPANY. TREAT HER AS A PERSON, NOT AN OBJECT.
Chelsea: Yeah! Do those things!
me: uh, uh, slut! you're an ugly negged slut and you'll take me to prom! blehblehblehbleh (<-- bad cunnilingus noises)
???: YOU FOOL. YOU THREW AWAY WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN A BEAUTIFUL RELATIONSHIP. CHELSEA. GO TO PROM WITH ME. WE WILL RULE THE CEREMONY NOT AS PROM KING AND QUEEN, BUT AS PROM GODS
Hacking tip: To reverse the wiretap, simply turn your phone upside down with the mic on your ear and the speaker by your mouth. You have now wiretapped the FBI.
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
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