Every week The New Yorker holds a caption contest in which the Internet's wittiest quipsters submit their perfect punchlines. Let's take a look at some recent winners and finalists:
Hmm. Clearly the Goons would be dominating this competition, if it weren't for The New Yorker contest's online registration requirements, which is the kind of thing they clearly hate, given that they not only registered for the SA Forums but also paid $10 to do so. Anyway, the Goons posted funny captions, and we're publishing them here, and frankly there should be no doubt as to whom the real winners are!
"I think he put too much English on it."
"I'm telling you, personal grain silos are the way to go"
"I'm a firm believer in open carry."
"Party sucks, I'm taking off"
"Mr. Sandman is sick tonight and asked me to bring you a dream but I have no idea how it works so I'm just doing whatever."
"I'm the impotence fairy. This is impotence dust. As you can see, I'm using quite a bit. This is not the normal amount of impotence dust by any means."
"It's me, your fairy godmother. Yippee, what fun, etc. Anyway, I conjured up a beautiful princess for you. Full disclosure, we hit a few clubs on the way over here and eventually the clock struck midnight and she turned back into ash. Here she is anyway. You two lovebirds have fun. Christ, I'm hung over."
"Your wish to have Marilyn Monroe on your dick is granted... you know she was cremated in 1962, right?"
"The chainsaws are partially deflated."
"I thought the internet was all fun and games. Grow virtual plants on Facebook. Send email to grandma. IM friends with emojis," said the Stupid Ass Teenager, currently dying in an Idiot County hospital. "Never in my wildest dreams could I ever possibly humanly imagine that doing stupid ass internet shit in real life might get me mortally injured."
(Lips smacking, mouth full of peanut butter, glistening streams of peanut butter oil running down chin) "I'm full as hell, and I'm not going to take another bite!"
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The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.