Zack: Even if I were a holy warrior I would be mighty weirded out climbing on this thing's back.

Steve: Silver-hoofed silent ninja horse with peacock tail. What's not to love, dude? He'd be great for stealth operations.

Zack: Okay, Splinter Cell, but it's a guy with a horse body, not a horse. He has a face and he'll talk to you and be thinking about you riding around on his back. I'd bet it would be super weird for a woman. She'd be one step away from having sex with him. It's why women only ever accept piggyback rides from guys they want to bang.

Steve: I think it would be worth it for his ninja prowess. Like if I was a hot holy warrior babe I would totally get on this horse so I could creep around silently.

Zack: No! That's even worse. He can creep YOU after you're off his back. Like you're taking a shower under the waterfall and he'll be creeping around with that beard all flopped up trying to get a peek at your holy warrior bits.

Steve: It's a hard decision.

Zack: It's simple. Would you ride on a male centaur's back?

Steve: No, unless it's an emergency.

Zack: There's your answer.

Steve: Okay, but wait, hypothetical, dude: what if it's a normal looking horse, totally normal horse, but it talks.

Zack: Dude's voice?

Steve: Yeah, like an Orson Welles type voice.

Zack: Oh, hell, I would ride around on Orson Welles human back.

Steve: Does that mean you want to bang Orson Welles?

Zack: Steve, it turns out that the Forgotten Realms are the most complicated of all realms.

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