Zack: I think we should start by searching around the property. If it's daytime we should use the chance to get a feel for the place.
Steve: You search the property and you discover some gardening equipment that appears as if it has not been used in a few months. There is an overgrown garden and several trees. That's about it.
Zack: What about the outside of the house?
Steve: Front and back doors on the ground floor. All of the windows appear okay and nothing major seems wrong with it other than some wear and tear and the overgrown bushes.
Zack: Alright, we're heading inside. Karnov first with some sort of mallet. Keep your Chance Wolf guy handy too. Mitch has no skills and is extremely afraid of just about everything.
Steve: The door opens with a creak. As you enter the hall a huge chunk of plaster falls with a thump and smaller pieces rain down on your head and shoulders. The ceiling is dark and appears moisture damaged. The house is hot and there is a faintly bad odor.
Zack: I don't think I care for all this onomatopoeia. Let's split up into pairs and search the ground floor.
Steve: Splitting up is always a good idea. Especially in Cthulhu.
Zack: Start with the kitchen. I'll check it out with Karnov.
Steve: The kitchen smells terrible from food spoiling in the icebox. There are bins for spices and the spot for the salt bin is clearly missing. There is a cellar door here, but not even Karnov can budge it. The taps do not work either.
Zack: What about Sharon and Chang?
Steve: They find an empty room and a cloakroom containing an old overcoat. Chang does report that the wall appear particularly cracked in some places and there is a lot of water damage in odd places as well, like the corners of floors and the ceiling of rooms that should not have water damage.
Zack: Sounds like a water monster is living in the pipes or something.
Steve: Chance Wolf and Wayne Poppins search the library and the study. In the library the main thing they notice is that the books appear moldy or lightly water damaged, although still legible, and that there is a section of books that appears as if it has been taken out. In the study they discover something a little more interesting. Atop a desk, opened, is a copy of a book entitled "The Missing People: The Tribe That the Jungle Swallowed."
Zack: Did Wayne read it?
Steve: He can, but it's going to get dark while he is reading it. Night is fast approaching. You had better make accommodations for sleeping and you haven't even explored the second floor or the cellar.
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.