Zack: Page after page of this crap. Ka this and amulet that, codes and sects and magical Egyptian spirits.
Steve: Yeah I know pretty awesome. We just watched the Mummy and the Mummy Returns and were pretty pumped up to make sand tornadoes appear.
Zack: Seems more like every other White Wolf game where your conscience is literally a magical spirit character and you have to fight him by doing good things in the world or he'll take over.
Steve: No, that's Wraith.
Zack: And Vampire and Werewolf.
Steve: I think it might happen in the Chinese Vampire stuff too if you eat too many yin-yangs or whatever, I don't remember how that worked.
Zack: *Ghostly voice appears from the sandy ether* "Don't mummy it up so much jeez. Put on a shirt. Stop eating life force"Steve: It's not a ghostly voice though I think it's like a giant bird head dude and he pulls your heart out or something.
Zack: So did you ever summon sand tornadoes?
Steve: They were in the Big Red section.
"I thought the internet was all fun and games. Grow virtual plants on Facebook. Send email to grandma. IM friends with emojis," said the Stupid Ass Teenager, currently dying in an Idiot County hospital. "Never in my wildest dreams could I ever possibly humanly imagine that doing stupid ass internet shit in real life might get me mortally injured."
(Lips smacking, mouth full of peanut butter, glistening streams of peanut butter oil running down chin) "I'm full as hell, and I'm not going to take another bite!"
Bonk: The Only Good Bonk Is A Head Bonk
We review every game from the last 2 months, plus all 21 SNES Classic titles
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.