Zack: You kick open the grate on the duct and jump down expertly into Yadda's dressing room.
Steve: Is he impressed with my jump?
Zack: Yadda looks at you, giant and covered in ewok blood, and begins screaming and trying to run away from you.
Steve: Hey, yo, calm down little man. It's okay. I mean you no harm. I just need an autograph for my friend.
Zack: "S-sure," he says. He reaches over to pick up a head shot from his pile of photos and then suddenly throws them all in your face and runs for the door.
Steve: Can I grab him?
Zack: No, he's out of reach.
Steve: Can I throw something at him?
Zack: You can throw your light saber.
Steve: I don't want to kill the little dude! Is there a way I can like throw it and bank it off the wall so it knocks him over but doesn't chop off his arm or something?
Zack: With your intelligence, absolutely, no problem.
Steve: Alright I am making that throw. I can't let him get away before signing that autograph.
"I thought the internet was all fun and games. Grow virtual plants on Facebook. Send email to grandma. IM friends with emojis," said the Stupid Ass Teenager, currently dying in an Idiot County hospital. "Never in my wildest dreams could I ever possibly humanly imagine that doing stupid ass internet shit in real life might get me mortally injured."
(Lips smacking, mouth full of peanut butter, glistening streams of peanut butter oil running down chin) "I'm full as hell, and I'm not going to take another bite!"
Bonk: The Only Good Bonk Is A Head Bonk
We review every game from the last 2 months, plus all 21 SNES Classic titles
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.