oh yeah thanks there chuck todd im sure we feel more secureSo i take it outside but then this one secret security dude is like "son u better put that shit out or I gotta call the regular police" and I was gonna be all like "snitches get stitches motherfucker now what" and then he was flashin iron in his pocket so I know that nigga is a coward. I will give him his some day. hell be standin there lookin for snipers or whatever and I will just bust in on his ass with a pipe and knock him crazy. knock his ass retarded like little dope fiend my nigga trench
The other thing when a bitch gets pregnant she is cool for a while like you can do her without jimmy hats and just blow loads wherever, but just wait later she starts gettin diarea and is takin craps and fartin at night and she eats like NON STOP I was like slow the fuck down michael phelps you gonna win eight gold medals with all these frozen pretzels and fuckin ice cream you are tearin through
Bitch is like "YOU DONT RESPECT ME" and im like "BITCH dont talk to me about RESPECT I am lettin you give birth instead of throwin your ass down some stairs and you fuckin RECOGNIZE I put bristol on my finger even though like ten strippers would suck my dick right now if I called them"
Then a carollory of that rule is bitch cries any time you say anything or throw anythign at a wall. shit and then she cries and the retard baby cries and then the security secrets guy starts poundin on the door yellin "is everythin okay in there" and I'm like SHIT MOTHERFUCKER it would be if you could calm the fuck down you woke up the fuckin baby with all that poundin on shit.
So that is IT. I am through. I am not puttin up with any more of this shit. I am officially supsendin my shit. I am just gonna fuckin suspend and straighten shit out. WHATEVER it takes. I mean WHATEVER.
I will grab a bitch and drive her into the woods if I gotta. I will throw a brick at some punk in a suit with a hearin aid listenin to shit. I KNOW YOU ARE LISTENIN TO THIS SECURITY SECRETS DUDE. Hackin in with your robot ear listenin in on my private thoughts. Right now Im thinkin abotu a middle finger you see that??
Right now im on my friend bodies couch. Plus side is I can smoke chronic whenever and when the baby cries its not mine so I dont have to do shit I can just yell for it to shut the fuck up and go back to drinkin.
I can never get salt to stcik to shit that good and who tthe fuck eats MUSTARD on a pretzel??? Fuckin cheese, bro it makes everythin betterDown side is my phone is blowin up non stop with mrs. palins people tellin me i gotta come home and i gotta take care of bristol and its my patriotic duty to watch that stupid baby roll around like a worm. nigga cant even crawl he so stupid. Why would I want to watch that shit? It is boring as hell. He never rolls anywhere cool like into the kitchen to microwave me some frozen pretzels. No, dumb little faggot rolls up against the couch and his face is up against it and bristol comes in yellin and shit about how he prolly cant breathe SO WHAT?
Maybe he would breathe better if he could SMOKE UP. loosen up them lil lungs.
I mean GOD DAMN. What the fuck is up with that?
I will probably have to unsuspend my shit eventually. Like get back in the game. After all when mrs. palin turns into a veep shes gonna make me baron or whatever. I was lookin on the internet at septers and there are some pretty sweet ones. I'm totally debatin which one to get.
Like my favorite is a snake that is goin up between the titties of this naked chick and then on top of her is a big ass skull and the snake is all curled around it and shit. Bad fuckin ass. But then there is this other one that is just the naked chick but her tities are bigger and there is more detail on her cooch.I think thatll be mine.
Ill let you know what i pick.
catch you fags on the flip side.
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
Levi "HOckey" Johnston is a pro writer now and hockey expert since forever. He comments regularly on family life, politics, Alaska, hockey, vag, babies, babes, 4x4s, hunting, and stuff like that. Oh, yeah, and he was engaged to Bristol Palin and had one (two) kids with her, so...I can put anything here? He also fights like a devil and pounds poon like a demon. He's pretty much unbelievable. His life is a raw adventure to the root.