On Monday I brought the world the inimitable George Orenstein. Known to many as "America's Producer," Mr. Orenstein is one of the top executives at a major Hollywood production company. He also happens to be a distant relative, which is how I convinced him to review several more reader pitches. Without further ado, I present to you the pitch and the burning.
This summer, Ashlee Simpson may rule your heart...and Barter Town.The Pitch
Is good, is like Danny DeVito meeting Chandelier from Friends.The Pitch
In March we shot a prequel in HD, but will mostly use that footage for a few brief flashbacks. You can see a trailer, titled The Russian Experiment, at our website. (WARNING: MAY CRASH BROWSER) If you have trouble viewing it and are interested, I would be more than happy to mail a dvd."
Bruce Willis stars in The Pitch
Between breakthroughs of the train memory, the man recalls and discusses other key moments in life. Examples: Defending a smaller kid against a bully in grade school, shop lifting with friends during adolescence and getting caught, courting a high school sweet heart, buying his first home etc. - Things that make him look successful, yet still normal.
After the train memory is complete, his memory therapist recommends he be placed under doctors supervision and begin therapy. Therapist explains to john Doe, that he attacked and killed a mother and her two children on the Train on his way to work. Held the driver hostage and crashed the train.
Lab tech comes in with report, and Therapist is reading rap sheet pulled from John Doe's finger prints. Assault, robbery, drugs, arms, fraud. We go back to flashbacks but this time showing our John Doe causing mayhem : ie. being the kid beaten up or being the cause of a bully beating up a weaker kid, shop lifting leading to car stealing, and drunk driving, instead of high school sweet heart we see him date rape his prom date, maybe thrown in jail. etc
Cuts to TV news channel airing talking heads discussing the horrific train accident and the suspect."
Yikes! Mr. Orenstein brought the pain and the burning to several unfortunate dreamers. If you still have a great pitch idea for a movie you can feel free to email me and I'll pass them along to him for burning when he gets the chance. For those of you heartbroken by the soul-crushing Mr. Orenstein administered, just remember that he spared you a trip to Hollywood. There's also a silver lining to this cloud: George had Dan H. and Cindy N. sign a letter of intent with his studio and they will be exploring their pitch for "Count Crackula" in much greater detail.
In these contentious political times it is more important than ever to work together in a bipartisan way with the people who said I should be thrown out of a helicopter for being an Antifa terrorist.
This Halloween, log off and visit your friends at the local Halloween Superstore.
Better than expected, and absolute garbage
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.