This article is part of the The Bradford Exchange series.


I can think of no more righteous a way to stab a man in the heart than to do so with a knife emblazoned with the most stirring and patriotic of images. It seems to me we should be equipping all of our armed forced with eagle knives. Although the decorative handles make them somewhat hard to hold, the sheer morale boost that comes from stabbing somebody in the crotch with the American spirit is overwhelming. Naturally, I speak from personal experience. What's great is that when they came up with the idea to weaponize eagle imagery, they actually had enough material to cover two knives. That's the versatility of the eagle in action. I doubt you could really get two separate knives out of any other birds without getting redundant.


If Hieronymus Bosch didn't spend all his time painting weird "Where's Waldo" style triptychs of demon birds spitting humans out of their buttholes, he might have made an actual impact on the art world. This beautiful piece gives you no less than 7 eagles spread across three complimentary pieces. What's more, the very frames that are scarcely keeping these paintings from popping out of the second dimension feature ornate eagle designs on them. That's a total of 10 eagles! For sheer quantity, it's hard to beat this package. It's a great way to make a huge impact getting into the eagle memorabilia game. No realistic person could ever question your patriotism with 10 eagles under your belt.


One of the most under-exploited artistic mediums is that of the toy train set. Some artists are slaves to canvas while others are tortured servants of clay. But the toy train is just as powerful a medium for the conveyance of ideas as any, if not more so. The fact that the toy train can also move gives the images painted on the side a sense of urgency, as well as kinetic properties not available in traditional mediums. Putting eagles on the side of a toy train is a stroke of profound genius equal to the greatest scientific and artistic achievements of our race. It's such a logical union that one wonders why it took so long to happen. What were we doing all these centuries that we were too busy to put eagles on the side of toy trains?

While the above image is somewhat doctored in that the scale is insanely crazy, you can just imagine that if this train were real, humongous man-sized eagles would fly alongside it, possibly attempting to mate with it out of confusion or respect.

Let's not forget that the anniversary of September 11 is coming up. I can't think of a better time to honor the victims of senseless tragedy than to show your love of American symbolism.

– Josh "Livestock" Boruff (@Livestock)

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Pardon Our Dust

    Pardon Our Dust

    Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.



    Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind

About this series

An ongoing exploration of the many products and artistic masterworks created and sold by the Bradford Exchange.

Other articles in this series

Copyright ©2023 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful