"That's why it's better / down where it's wetter," sings Sebastian the crab as the music fades out.
We descend into the earth and soon the tunnel is partially submerged. It's as if the Model X is driving on water. It's so incredible, a whimsical touch from Elon Musk that eternal prankster. The Model X begins to accelerate, but not too fast, as we need to be able to see the alligator that seems to lunge out at us snapping its jaws, and the cartoonish statues of native tribesmen hiding in fake bushes. Then we are traveling up and the Tesla is being pulled along some sort of chain lift.
"What goes up, must come down," explains a voice from a speaker hidden in some more reeds. A fake hippo startles all of us in the car as it seems to charge out at us and then stop short of the track. The voice continues, "Unless it's my personal Tesla Car which I put into space!"
The Model X is released from whatever is holding it and we plunge down the watery flume. Water sprays the windshield and fountains out in all directions as we emerge from the tunnel and into the California afternoon. A crowd is soaked by the spray from our arrival, another hilarious twist by that Loki-like dreamer, Elon Musk.
It only took us 9 minutes to travel a mile, not counting the time to load the Model X into the log-shaped carrier. This is a dramatic decrease in travel time compared to the worst traffic in Los Angeles. Will it work? Is this an ego-driven, wasteful, insane, idiotic idea? I don't know, I'm just here for the free hat that says, "I RODE THE WET MILE!"
BLACK LIVES MATTER!!! NOOOOOOO!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? YOU HAVE CREATED A MONSTER, AN ABSOLUTE MONSTER!
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
Play your entire PS1 library from a single SD card. But not your Brady Strategy Guides.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.