Serial killers are the scariest people in the world, so one would assume they must have the scariest thoughts in the world as well. To test this theory, Something Awful asked several of history's worst mass murderers to tell us the scariest things they could think of. Be advised, their answers are not for the faint of heart.
"A man in a top hat is eating a plate of maggots, and sometimes his head shakes really fast. Also, the room is lit by a swinging lightbulb, so the shadows are all weird."
"A creepy-looking doll opens its eyes."
"You're in an attic and there's a lady in a wedding dress by the window. You walk up to her and she turns around and she's a skeleton. You try to scream but can't, because you're a skeleton too."
Henry Lee Lucas:
"An empty nursery. A phonograph is playing 'Row Your Boat' at the wrong speed. The word 'HELP' is written on the wall in blood, and the 'E' is backwards."
"A woman is brushing her hair while a dead girl crawls across the ceiling."
"Time-lapse shot of a dead squirrel, set to dark ambient music."
"Da Hip Hop Witch."
"You're running toward a door, but the door keeps getting farther away."
"A jack in the box starts turning itself."
John Wayne Gacy:
"A Korn museum."
Following America's defeat in World War 3, allied forces uncovered a number of experimental weapon prototypes in the hotel-compound of Trump's loyalist Space Force army. Had the war continued just a few more months, these secret weapons would have changed the course of the war.
Extremely proud over here! The bosses took notice and I have been promoted to 20 cages!!
Are there arrows in Tomb Raider? "No. Absolutely not."
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.