The last few weeks have been a journey, as seen in that video game Journey.
I moved into a new place. I discovered my new home included free fiber optic internet access, so downloading a single game on Steam would no longer take an entire night. I also found myself unable to publish the mid-October edition of Video Game Article. Sorry about that.
So I missed a bunch of reviews. Then most of the holiday season's biggest games came out. And somewhere in there, the PlayStation VR launched with an unreasonably large library. That's a lot of games. We've got a lot of One Sentencing to do.
Some might say Firaxis could have stopped at Civilization IV, but every time they think about walking away they wind up staying for one more turn. 9/10
Shadow Warrior 2
2013's Shadow Warrior was a better Duke Nukem Forever, and now Flying Wild Hog's apparent disdain for Gearbox continues as they sort of made a better Borderlands. 8/10
Earthlock: Festival of Magic
If you miss relatively straightforward jRPGs with great art, turn-based combat, and novel leveling systems, Norway has you covered. 8/10
House of the Dying Sun
I honestly think this is one heck of a great space game, but even if it wasn't the bell toll sound effect is worth the price of admission. 9/10
I wasn't very interested in this, but then the campaign turned out to be a "best of" compilation of level ideas the designers threw at the wall. 8/10
I was very interested in this, but then the campaign turned out to be a loop of all the game's least interesting ideas. 6/10
Gears of War 4
Seriously, this is some of the best waist-high cover you've ever crouched behind as the screen pulses red. 7/10
Horrific Zeppelin Crash Simulator appears to be broken, it's making me move around and shoot things and enjoy myself. 8/10
World of Final Fantasy
Imagine revisiting all of your favorite characters and moments from the entirety of the Final Fantasy series, through the eyes of two generic amnesiacs. 6/10
In this year's Career Mode you can customize your wrestler then grab a steel chair and whack the concept of basic worker's rights until its injuries are so severe that it gets cut from the roster. 4/10
In this year's game you buy the toys, then buy the microtransactions. 5/10
The adventures of prog-rock cover beetle in fascist blacklight Hot Wheel track world. 8/10
Batman: Arkham VR
Climb into the eyes of Batman (is that the best way to phrase it?) and witness spectacular sights you've never seen before, such as one fateful night when Thomas and Martha Wayne stepped out of a movie theater into an alley... 7/10
100ft Robot Golf
I'm all for wacky goof times, but I'm also for enjoyable golf and being able to see what the heck is going on. 5/10
PlayStation VR Worlds
I haven't had a British guy yell at me for this long since that time I complimented Notch on his British accent and asked him to share his thoughts about people being offended. 6/10
The Playroom VR
If you have any friends at all to play this with, it's an 8/10 game! 7/10
TANKS for the memories haha all's well that treads well!!! 6/10
Sure, it's a great puzzle game elevated by natural perspective movements, but the title bears a striking resemblance to my memoir All Titles Pretty Much Sound The Same To Me and as a result I am suing. 7/10
RIGS Mechanized Combat League
This mech competition game might not be terrible but it doesn't have the Robot Jox license, and if it's not Robot Jox why bother? 6/10
Here They Lie
Everyone involved could have saved so much time if you could start the game, put the headset on, look down, and see where they lie. 3/10
Until Dawn: Rush of Blood
Now that they made an Until Dawn on-rails shooter, it's time to bring the trilogy to its natural conclusion with an HD remake of Power Factory Featuring C+C Music Factory. 4/10
Paper Mario Color Splash
If you can get past the relentless racial humor it's the best Paper Mario to date! 8/10
Yo-Kai Watch 2
Fewer people are playing Pokemon Go than a few months ago, and that's because Yo-Kai Watch 2 came out. 6/10
BLACK LIVES MATTER!!! NOOOOOOO!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? YOU HAVE CREATED A MONSTER, AN ABSOLUTE MONSTER!
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
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