Submitted by Charles Desbiens
C=Time*Effort - Pussy 2
Wherein C (interview with Chomsky) equals the time it took you to smoke enough weed to get high enough to think this shit made any fucking sense whatsoever multiplied by the effort it took to find your webcam while high as shit from all that weed you just smoked divided by the humiliation you'll feel when you realize Chomsky would let a cardboard cutout of Conan the Barbarian interview him if it meant getting some air time minus pussy (and the more time you spend on this incomprehensible nerd shit, the more pussy is subtracted from your life) squared.
Why squared? Because anyone who devotes this much time to a theory on colored pencils or what the fucking Christ ever your video was about has got to be the biggest square ever.
*gives you the hugest swirlie ever; revs motorcycle*
Ferguson's long arm of the law laments the latest cutback.
Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.
As you may have noticed, the most popular viral videos at any given time are amazingly banal, annoying, and cliched pieces of waste. It almost seems as if the internet naturally gravitates towards the worst possible Youtube and Google video selections. So it stands to reason that if the terrible videos become popular, then the unpopular videos must be awesome! We here at Something Awful present to you AwfulVision™, our own patented service dedicated to showcasing a wide selection of unpopular videos that apparently must be good! Welcome to Web 3.9. Welcome to AwfulVision™!