Chapter One: "Heh heh. 'Came'".
Hello there and welcome to a new (and henceforth recurring) feature here on AwfulVision; a little something we (and by "we", I mean "I, the retarded fartlord responsible for this mess") call "IT CAME FROM FACEBOOK!".
As you're well aware, sharing stupid videos on Facebook is to 2012 what dying of cholera at the age of 20 was to 1812: everyone's doing it! Heck, you may have noticed we even have our own Facebook group now. Therefor, I'm going to start taking the videos posted to our Facebook wall each week and showcasing them here, on their very own page; safely quarantined from the other horrible videos. Lord knows I wouldn't want the feces to get mixed up with the shit.
Speaking of which, let's get this shitwreck a-rollin'!
Yotam W. starts us off by asking "Is this where we drop off shit?" My response: "It is, now".
Dan S. makes my life a living hell on two fronts. First, by submitting a non-Youtube video. Second, by subjecting me to this... thing... Seriously, if your feminist folk punk sounds more like an Anal Cunt/Seth Putnam (Satan rest his fat, gay soul) parody of feminist folk punk, maybe it's time to reevaluate your life.
It's been a long time since we've featured some good, old-fashioned human turds and the cretins that love to wallow around in them. TOO long for Tyson S., apparently.
David A. told me that any of this chucklehead's videos would make a worthy addition to AwfulVision, so I picked one at random. Now, having watched it, I find myself with I'd picked a gun instead and made worthy addition to my skull and frontal lobe with a .22 caliber hollowpoint.
I watched about 30 seconds of this video that Clay A. sent and then immediately rushed myself to the hospital, convinced that I'd suffered a massive stroke in the language recognition center in my brain.
David B. (no relation to David A.) has figured out what is wrong with America. Hint: the answer is the part between 0:00 and 7:59. Yeah, I have a feeling this guy is going to get spotlighted next article.
Finally, Dan H. plays us out with a song I can really identify with, being that I'm also a fat, white, doughy mid-westerner.
The singer dove off the stage and crowd surfed in a sort of reverse funeral procession where the person being carried is the only one truly alive. Touching him I felt religious ecstasy and started speaking in tongues and requesting songs that didn't exist.
There's no easy way to put this, so I'll tell it like it is. Bouillon is died. He went missing before the weekend and yesterday I found his skeletonized remains at the bottom of the #3 soup vat during one of my swims. I thought the cream of mushroom soup had an especially nourishing taste, and a lot more clumps of fur and skin than usual.
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As you may have noticed, the most popular viral videos at any given time are amazingly banal, annoying, and cliched pieces of waste. It almost seems as if the internet naturally gravitates towards the worst possible Youtube and Google video selections. So it stands to reason that if the terrible videos become popular, then the unpopular videos must be awesome! We here at Something Awful present to you AwfulVision™, our own patented service dedicated to showcasing a wide selection of unpopular videos that apparently must be good! Welcome to Web 3.9. Welcome to AwfulVision™!