Oh my GOD. Dr. Dice is so cool and sexy. I want him inside of me NOW. Preferably performing a triple bypass because I am a god damn fat mess.
"Get out of yourÿ moms basement and quit getting your friends to rubberstamp your bullshit. If you werent so goddamn ugly looking maybe you wouldn't be on youtube trying to make girls laugh because you clearly cant get pussy looking like that.
Have you ever even touch a girl besides your fat ugly mom? Doubt it. Get some proactive and a haircut, switch to contacts and your best bet is to get a girl totally drunk before she does anything with you."
-Rock944T hooking us up with some sweet carefail
The CEO of Lobstero, makers of the expensive home Lobster System, responds to recent unfavorable headlines about hand-squeezing a lobster out of one of the company's Lobster Packs.
Should you call someone a Nazi? The answer will surprise you.
As you may have noticed, the most popular viral videos at any given time are amazingly banal, annoying, and cliched pieces of waste. It almost seems as if the internet naturally gravitates towards the worst possible Youtube and Google video selections. So it stands to reason that if the terrible videos become popular, then the unpopular videos must be awesome! We here at Something Awful present to you AwfulVision™, our own patented service dedicated to showcasing a wide selection of unpopular videos that apparently must be good! Welcome to Web 3.9. Welcome to AwfulVision™!