Submitted by Paul Rice
Heh, alright sheeple. I've got 3:30 seconds before my imported ramen is ready to eat, so I guess I'll humor you fucking fascist socialists with a response. Not that you deserve one. Heh.
Look, cocksucker. We all know you aren't one of the enlightened who have read Atlas Shrugged and The Fountainhead. So let me explain it so that even a fucking plebian like yourself can understand: *coughs, uses inhaler* If you aren't putting #1 first at the expense of literally everyone and everything else on the planet, you're basically a fucking tool. Heh heh. Noice.
Take me for example: a paragon of objectivism. I'm 26, work part-time at Taco Bell and live at home with my parents. Naturally, I vote Republican because the 15k/year paycheck I bring in puts me squarely in the upper-middle class tax bracket and I don't want any of my hard-earned money going to poor people. Fuck. That. Besides, my prosperity will trickle down to the less fortunate anyway, so I don't see why I should go out of my way for them. Fucking lame-ass, poor-ass poor people. Heh.
If I ran America, I'd make well-to-do people such as myself pay no taxes while making poor people pay 100% of their income as taxes. Heh. That'd give those fucking fascists a little motivation to pull themselves up by their bootstraps and stop being a drain on the system. Fucking fascists. *coughs, wheezes* Also, I'd privatize the Fire Department and make them require a valid credit card and collateral before they put out the raging inferno that is currently engulfing your house. Heh. Goddddd, I love Capitalism.
Also, not to gloat but Larry (my fucking fascist communist manager at Taco Bell) says if I stop coming in to work late and smelling like rotten shit because I never shower, he may put me on full-time. If that happens, even more of my wealth will trickle down (don't say I never did anything for you, poor people). Also, hello Taco Bell employee health care! At this rate, I expect to be in the upper 1% of American Society by the time I'm 28.
Heh, are you fucking pinko fascist socialists jealous?
Yeah. I bet you are.
Smug Nerd Corner
"I've noticed this as well. I'm just getting into philosophy so I don't have any vantage point to judge whether she's a "legitimate" philosopher, but when her name comes up it becomes a tired joke.
I just read The Virtue of Selfishness and I thought it was pretty powerful (especially the article on racism).
She is rather abrasive, everything is "evil this, evil that" and that almost turned me off even when I agreed with her, but her writing style shouldn't invalidate her ideas."
"By the way, I'm reading the Communist Manifesto right now."
There is a witch hunt going on right now and I promise you that you will not find any witches in the pleasure room in my congressional office.
To celebrate this week's announcement of Mega Man 11 - the first Mega Man game since Mega Man 6 on the NES - let's remember all the terrific bosses we've faced in this beloved series!
For fans of meaningless awards, these awards are extra meaningless.
Buy three Epic Loot Crates for only $7.99, get a free fourth loot crate for only $2.99!
As you may have noticed, the most popular viral videos at any given time are amazingly banal, annoying, and cliched pieces of waste. It almost seems as if the internet naturally gravitates towards the worst possible Youtube and Google video selections. So it stands to reason that if the terrible videos become popular, then the unpopular videos must be awesome! We here at Something Awful present to you AwfulVision™, our own patented service dedicated to showcasing a wide selection of unpopular videos that apparently must be good! Welcome to Web 3.9. Welcome to AwfulVision™!