Throw a hot coal at those eyes.
Say "Hello!" and politely wave.
Rub the packing peanuts together! It might scare the monster away!
EAT THE PACKING PEANUTS!
Retreat with kidney beans into secret place, observe mysterious eyeballs from safety.
Put packing peanuts in fire.
Deeply inhale toxic smoke.
Do a song and dance number from a famous Broadway musical.
Befriend/seduce the creature.
Throw scalding beans into its face then bludgeon with empty pot until it stops moving
Put the pot on its head and see what it does
Fold the note into a paper hat and put it on the creatures head.
Roll the note into a tube, use it like a blowgun to shoot the packing peanuts at the beast.
Surveillance. See if it goes for the beans.
Cons: causes bad nightmares. I used to have to eat beef until I passed out to have these kind of terrors, but this machine does it for me every time I fall asleep inside it.
Sorry about the blurry photo. I was lunging at my phone, yelling at it to take a clear picture. It's the only image of me that exists. I'd take another picture for you, but I'm in the middle of a rigorous trampoline session.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.