I have a bunk bed in my room. My sister and I are pretty close, so she would often sleep on my top bunk during the summer. This happened a few years ago.
Sister: (walks in) "Chris, I just saw a scary movie, and I don't want to be alone. I am going to be sleeping on your top bunk okay?"
Sis: "Chris, I am sleeping on your top bunk, comprehend?"
Her: "Okay, Chris, I am going to be sleeping on your top bunk tonight. Can you repeat that?"
Me: "The aliens will be abducting me"
Her: "Chris! Repeat after me: I saw a scary movie on TV and I am going to sleep on your top bunk tonight."
Me: "I'll be sleeping on TV"
Her: (Proceeds to just sleep on my top bunk)
I don't remember this, but this is what my sister said happened.
One of my friends does not talk at all, but instead grunts and beats the shit out of people. I slept near him in his basement and he kicked me in the nuts and punched me in the chest.
Another time, my other friend was sleeping and I was awake with previously mentioned friend. The sleeping friend started making weird grunting noises. My awake friend took a hard pillow and threw it at his head (very hard). It hit the sleeping friend, who took it, put it under his head, gave a sigh of relief, and continued to sleep. Not so much talking, but weird as hell.
This one's from myself. When I was about 13 I sat up in the middle of the night and screamed "HOLY SHIT, IT'S BIG RYAN'S DAD!". It scared the living daylights out of my friend sleeping in the same room.
My friend Mark used to be allowed to come over whenever he wanted back in high school. I would often sleep at strange hours and he said he heard me scream out once.
"Not the luger!"
I can only wonder.
My ex-girlfriend said some weird ones. It's been a while, so I don't remember exactly what she said, because I was usually half-asleep at the time too. But the strange part is, there seemed to be a recurring character in whatever she was dreaming about. And she always called this man "...the Captain..."
The only time I've been caught talking in my sleep, I said this:
Me: ...I'm sorry.
Ex: Sorry for what?
Me: I've never seen the ending of Cool Runnings...
Me: Did they win?
Me: ...That's good.
She said I then smiled and rolled over, seeming very content.
When I was working 13 hour graveyard shifts, I'd do tech support in my sleep.
When I was about 11, my little brother (8 at the time) sleepwalked into my bedroom in the middle of the night. He started banging on my dresser with his hand and saying "MOM SAID TO PUT IT RIGHT HERE! MOM SAID TO PUT IT RIIIIGHT HEEERE!!".
He then turned around and walked slightly out of the room. The next thing out of his mouth was:
Then he got in the shower fully pajama'ed, turned it on, showered briefly, got out, and went back to bed. All without waking.
"Ouch, my Jesus."
Said by the person (who happens to be a forum member here) right before they rolled over and unknowingly wrapped their arms around me. This is why you never share a pup tent with anyone.
My friend once sat up and yelled in his sleep "STEVE MARTIN IN CHEAPER BY THE GODDAMN DOZEN!", waited for some kind of response, and when I said "Yeah OK pal" he seemed satisfied and went back to sleep.
My boyfriend has a terrible problem with screaming random shit in his sleep and waking me up. One of my favorites was around the time of his birthday when he yelled out "THANK Y'ALL SO MUCH! A COUCH IS SUCH A GREAT GIFT!" No one got him a couch for his birthday though...
A thousand years ago, dudes were dying from splinters, but now the wizard potion that cleans our light wounds costs less than a Dr. Pepper in 1994. I love this medicinal 7up.
U2 and Apple have conspired to place a U2 album into your music in the year 2014. You own a U2 album. And you can't get rid of it.
Ron Paul spins in his chair, trying to grab his decorative antique musket but Freddy gets it first.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.