When people ask you what you do for a living at a family reunion or a cocktail party or during court proceedings, they want your description to be concise and interesting! As practice for the constant social interaction to which they're accustomed, members of the SA Forums started describing their workdays in seven words or less. For example, I might say something like "Compiles jokes and Photoshops other people made," or "Puts up with Shmorky the human cartoon." It's like the "Drunken Memories" Goldmine, except this time the Goons prove they work as hard as they play!

Cornbinks

I outfit rednecks with camouflage.

Beasteh

I sell chav clothes to horrid chavs

cactuscarpet

I translate iPad games no one plays.

Pharmaskittle

Watch boss run startup into the ground.

Ronco Showtime

Getting websites to work in IE7. Awful.

blugu64

Your stored procedure is a piece of

The Dregs

Put your TV on channel 3, Grandma.

h210679

That's not the address bar, that's Google.

thrill fuckers

Running reds, killing peds, asshole bike messenger

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About This Column

The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.

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