Tuesday, September 26, 2000 by Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka
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QUIZ FOR MALES:
Question #1: When spotting an attractive female, the first question that enters my mind is:
Does she have a boyfriend?
How can I introduce myself to her?
What do I have to roll to kill her?
I wish my mom had a pair of hips like those.
Question #2: The most important quality I'm looking for in a woman is:
A lack of vision.
Question #3: I had my first date when I was:
14 years old or younger.
15 - 18 years old.
18 - 21 years old.
However old I am now plus an estimated additional two decades.
Question #4: If I could compare my dream woman to a car, she would be like:
A classic Porsche; sleek, beautiful, and expensive to maintain.
A BMW; a trendy, stylish model that's hip with the "in crowd."
A hovercar; futuristic and able to shoot lasers from its headlights.
The twisted, gnarled pile of burnt metal I passed alongside the highway on my way to work.
Question #5: I often masturbate:
Once a week or less.
Once every couple days.
Every day ending with a "-y".
Whenever "She's the Sheriff" reruns come on.
Question #6: My dream date would take place:
On a moonlit walk across the beach.
A fancy Italian restaurant.
Anywhere, as long as it's not in my imagination like all those other dates with the cast from "Saved By the Bell."
During my parole.
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