Steve: Tornado man hates cones.
Zack: Are we on the same page on this font shit yet?Steve: I don't know dude, I was more interested in the fact that tornado man has tornado thumbs. Like, he can open tornado doors.
Zack: So this giant, evil Michelin Man is the equivalent of a storm god throwing the Xbox controller at the TV.
Steve: Yeah, if the Xbox controller was like hundreds of feet tall and destroying cities.Zack: I'm afraid it's much worse than that, Steve. Xbox controllers are destroying an entire generation of our tweens with a sedentary lifestyle.
Steve: But Xbox totally makes up for that by preparing them for a lifetime of low level tech supporting by yelling horrible things at strangers over their headsets.
Zack: If you're wondering how you fight something like this thing, well, here's how Craig thinks it would go down:
Zack: Wow, what a blast. Prior to combat buff this monster like crazy then roll to attack everyone all at once and cast multiple spells per round. Then summon another giant, super-powerful monster that also does eight things a turn.
Steve: Yeah, but the imagery of devastation is wicked.Zack: It's a cartoon tornado fist-fighting trees.
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
Ignore the hype. Find out how these games will likely go right or wrong.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.