Zack: Okay, now here we go. This is the sort of epic level bullshit I love. When a lich just isn't powerful enough and terrible enough, let's come up with a super evil lich.
Zack: He's a million years old and he's so evil all that is left is a sinister gem face and a shadow. And, uh, he screams all the time. And he can turn into a bat, but it's not a regular bat, it's a bat made out of smoke, that is a million billion years older than time itself. Which he isn't even from, because he's from outside of space. Roll 100,000 hit dice.
Steve: Aw, come on, he looks cool. Look at that burning castle.
Zack: You need to recalibrate your cool detector. It looks like somebody wrapped a warlock cape around a Tiki cup from an Oahu beach bar.
Steve: I wouldn't mess with this guy. He looks like he would give you a wicked curse of ancient evil.Zack: The creature resembles a joke from an idiot. It sort of has a face made by a child out of rocks. It screams at you like a dark puppet and starts flying around with all its hit dice. You feel an ominous sense of fear as it manifests its evilness in your direction. Cold chills go up and down your spine as you realize it is coming towards you with its cape.
Steve: His name is Nimrod.
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.