Steve: More epic equals bigger than.
Zack: Allllright, you're up against a tarantula the size of an asteroid. Let me just roll up its 33,000 hit dice.
Steve: Yeah, uh, some of these stats seem like he just got obsessed with exponential numbers or something and went to town without considering the reality of them.
Zack: Okay, the tarantula rolls to hit you...and...I rolled a 19 and subtract...8,192...I....
Steve: Well he would be crazy strong so the tarantula would have all sorts of bonuses so I bet you could figure out a way to cancel them out.
Zack: Hang on. The chart is ridiculous, but can we take a second to talk about the font used for all the section headers:
Steve: It's an epic font.
Zack: Hey, Craig Cochrane: burn in hell. This is the worst font I have ever seen and I have seen a font made out of ninjas and one made out of weed leaves. This is some font bullshit.
Steve: It is a little hard to read.
Zack: Oh, you think? I literally cannot read the names of some of these monsters. They have dumb gibberish names to begin with, did he need to encode them in his doubled-up garbage font?
Steve: Maybe it's like saying that at a certain level you are omnipotent so you can read anything.Zack: I would rather see this whole book printed in Comic Sans.
Steve: Now, hold on, let's not be hyperbolic here.
Zack: Alright, well let's have "Ia GiLiaNCE IaT ThIE KOSMOS" according to Harry Helvetica:
Steve: I get it. It's like, the dark matter dimension or something.
Zack: Don't be nice. Craig doesn't deserve it. He took the cosmology of D&D, which is already stupidly complicated, and rearranged everything to his personal liking, adding in extra dimensions, a bunch of jargon, and all sorts of bullshit with the coherence of a steam-of-consciousness Aeon Flux fanfiction.
Steve: It's called "creativity."
Zack: No, it's called a headache, and everything this guy is doing is giving it to me.
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
Ignore the hype. Find out how these games will likely go right or wrong.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.