Zack: All of the text on the card is literally about trees fucking.
Steve: Do Not Summon Treefolk.
Zack: Treefolk outside groaning all night dropping pine cones on my car. If they do it again tonight I'm setting fire to front yard.
Steve: I tried turning the hose on them but they just did it more!!
Zack: I hear if you lay some stumps out in your yard it will scare them off.
Steve: Yeah, that's great until you get one of those real sicko trees. Then you wake up and the stumps are covered in sap.
Zack: Nature is horrible. That's the lesson here. Do not meddle with nature.
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.