Zack: You creep into your master's bedroom. Everything is covered in several inches of dust, except for a line of footprints to the bed from when you came and took the blanket. There is a map of the world on the wall, an intercom speaker, and an overturned table covered in cobwebs.
Steve: I place the murder condom onto the largest of the spider webs.
Zack: It keeps falling out. It's too heavy for the cobwebs.Steve: I sexily pick it up with my boobs going all out and put it on his pillow.
Zack: The tone sounds through the speakers informing you that it is time to go to sleep for the day. The lights begin to dim.
Steve: Now he will finally pay for all those years of moves he put on my hot body.
Zack: You awaken to a strange, loud buzzing sound that you have never heard before. It is coming out of all the speakers and is very disturbing.Steve: I rush to see the master without even time to put on my whole maid outfit. My boobs are really out there.
It's true. Grimace is human. God help us, we did our best for him.
Your lair. Maybe you lure victims to it, maybe you hide in it between killings, or maybe you haunt it 24/7 because you’re tragically confined by a curse. Whatever the situation, for most of us monsters, a living/un-living space is an important part of our identities. In this column, Monstergeddon award winners share their lair tips and techniques!
The famed gonzo otaku journalist writes about the death of gaming culture in 2014.
Try not to break your console while I try not to break my cyber brain.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.