Steve: They got this from a real animal.
Zack: Don't even start with that.
Steve: It's in the rain forest. I saw it on Discovery Channel.
Zack: You saw a plant that looks like a tree stump, grows rabbits to trick animals, has eyes - EYES - on a plant, and attacks with tentacles and teeth? That's what you saw?
Steve: It's called a pitcher plant and it's like a beer pitcher at Pizza Hut, but with a lid for the pitcher. And when an animal comes around it bites it.
Zack: There's so many things wrong there I don't know where to begin. Can I just start with the PIzza Hut. Why Pizza Hut? Who goes in Pizza Hut? I would rather get robbed at a Pizza Hut than eat the food.
Steve: I haven't been there in a long time, but I used to get free personal pizzas for reading books.
Zack: When you were a kid.
Zack: Is that when you saw the documentary about the biting pitcher plant?
Steve: No, i think I saw that more recently. I don't think they had Discovery Channel back when I was doing the reading books for pizzas.
Zack: But the plant didn't have any of the qualities of this monster.
Steve: It tricks things into falling in and then it closes its mouth.
Zack: No it doesn't. No. A plant does not have a mouth.
Steve: Yeah, it just sat open like :O and it's full of juice and then little things come in for the juice and it closes up its mouth like :| and then it swallows.
Zack: You're an idiot and this never happened. The end.
Steve: I'm not making it up!
Zack: Plants can't have mouths! They don't swallow! And this plant you're talking about is nothing like the rabbit on a tree stump.
Steve: They both use subterfuge to get what they want.
Zack: So does a spy! Did they base this on Mata Hari?
Steve: Is that what the plant is called?
Zack: For fuck's sake!
It's true. Grimace is human. God help us, we did our best for him.
Your lair. Maybe you lure victims to it, maybe you hide in it between killings, or maybe you haunt it 24/7 because you’re tragically confined by a curse. Whatever the situation, for most of us monsters, a living/un-living space is an important part of our identities. In this column, Monstergeddon award winners share their lair tips and techniques!
The famed gonzo otaku journalist writes about the death of gaming culture in 2014.
Try not to break your console while I try not to break my cyber brain.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.